Funny Open Letter to People Showing Up at My House Unannounced
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 | Dear Prudence, my husband corresponds with prisoners who, upon their release, show up at my house unannounced, looking to borrow the car and my children. Is this normal? Any cause for concern? (slate.com) |  | 70 | |
| More: Dumbass, husband corresponds, unconsciousnesses | ||||
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7221 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Nov 2013 at 8:42 AM (8 years ago) | Favorite | share: 
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Source: https://www.fark.com/comments/8027757/Dear-Prudence-my-husband-corresponds-with-prisoners-who-upon-their-release-show-up-at-my-house-unannounced-looking-to-borrow-car-my-children-Is-this-normal-Any-cause-for-concern
My husband can't say no to these men's repeated, insistent requests to visit our house, borrow the car, get help finding work.
I think hubby's on the down low for some cons.
No, and you'd stop asking questions if you know what's good for you.
Skylar stop talking to Prudence, I AM THE DANGER
The "should I trade room and board at college for boning a geezer?" question is pretty good. Though Prudence's answer is WRONG obviously.
So, are you asking Dear Prudence if you should come out to play (with ex-cons)?
Diogenes: My husband can't say no to these men's repeated, insistent requests to visit our house, borrow the car, get help finding work.
I think hubby's on the down low for some cons.
This.
Ah, Jesus tittyfarking Christ, people. If you have to ask if it's normal, it's probably not. There's some exceptions to that rule, but not many.
Showing up at the house unannounced? Get a shotgun.
Asking to borrow the car? Screw that, hell no.
Help finding a job? I'm cool with that.
The second story was WAY more interesting. College girl getting free room and board to serve as a concubine for a middle aged dude, with his wife's permission. Seems legit.
H31N0US: The second story was WAY more interesting. College girl getting free room and board to serve as a concubine for a middle aged dude, with his wife's permission. Seems legit.
itsatrap.jpg
H31N0US: The second story was WAY more interesting. College girl getting free room and board to serve as a concubine for a middle aged dude, with his wife's permission. Seems legit.
I've seen some documentary films along those lines.
Come for the ex-con letter, stay for the made-for-skinemax "how to pay for college" letter.
We have a real christian here and all of your minds are in the gutter. Shame on you!
Do NOT ever, ever do this. A friend of mines sister corresponded with a guy in prison for several years as a prison pen-pal sort of thing through her church. Apparently he was quite the wordsmith, and toward the end of his sentence (bank robbery) really started laying it on thick. Saying all the right things in his letters, and they had started talking on the phone. When he got out, several weeks before she thought he was supposed to, he showed up at her house pretty much completely out of the blue about a week later and tried to talk her into letting him move in. When she balked at this he went farking nuts. Over about a week, she had her cat gutted out on her front porch and the windows of her car smashed out. When he showed up at her work and went apeshiat in the lobby of the office her boss arrested him. He got another 20 years for terrorist threats, assaulting a law enforcement officer and burglary, not to mention several parole violations.
Her boss was a County Sheriff in one of the more densely populated counties in California, with several re-elections in his career. He didn't fark around with the guy, he totally threw the book at him and made it stick.
Do not EVER correspond with a convict in prison in a way that would let them figure out where you live. Theres a reason why guys like that are kept locked up.
2wolves: We have a real christian here and all of your minds are in the gutter. Shame on you!
So going to pound town with some old dude is the Christian way to pay for college? They never taught me that in Sunday school.
rzrwiresunrise: Come for the ex-con letter, stay for the made-for-skinemax "how to pay for college" letter.
Yeah, but "get a dog"? That peanut butter gets everywhere!
Better buy some extra soap.
Hmmm I live near a private college, have a child that needs care, and an extra room. Also the idea of banging college age chicks is something I could get into.
Time to have a talk with the wife!
Better hope a Nigerian government official doesn't get ahold of his address.
Crap, the Thanksgiving letters are hilarious! Letting a 17-year old vegetarian dictate the Thanksgiving menu? Considering inviting your sister's child-molesting boyfriend when you've got young children, oh and what about that child-molesting uncle?
It's the holiday that just keeps giving! :D
"...general lack of awareness about social justice issues."
So she thinks he should be more aware about social justice, but is complaining that he is too aware of actual justice. Or she is discriminating against these people on the basis of their having been prisoners, instead of recognizing them as individuals, so she is not practicing social justice.
stevarooni: Crap, the Thanksgiving letters are hilarious! Letting a 17-year old vegetarian dictate the Thanksgiving menu? Considering inviting your sister's child-molesting boyfriend when you've got young children, oh and what about that child-molesting uncle?
It's the holiday that just keeps giving! :D
It's stories like this that make me think we'll never actually have an issue with population control.
stevarooni: Crap, the Thanksgiving letters are hilarious! Letting a 17-year old vegetarian dictate the Thanksgiving menu? Considering inviting your sister's child-molesting boyfriend when you've got young children, oh and what about that child-molesting uncle?
It's the holiday that just keeps giving! :D
Sounds like the vegan daughter needs to play Pandora's Tower. Or at least learn to cope with the fact that other people eat meat.
GameSprocket: rzrwiresunrise: Come for the ex-con letter, stay for the made-for-skinemax "how to pay for college" letter.
Yeah, but "get a dog"? That peanut butter gets everywhere!
Omg I just had an image of a shar pei licking her chops.
/*sob*
Dear Prudence,
As you advised, I got a dog but the sex isn't the same as with a college girl.
WelldeadLink: Dear Prudence,
As you advised, I got a dog but the sex isn't the same as with a college girl.
The companionship would be much more loyal, however.
I kept getting collect calls from a local prison, which I kept declining. After like the 20th one, I finaly accepted to see what was so Goddamn important. (Maybe it was an old buddy of mine or something)
Me: Why the hell do you keep calling me?
Prisoner: Is Tony der?
Me: No there is no Tony here.
P: Who dis din?
M: Not farking Tony. You got the wrong number.
P: Oh. Din I need you call Tony fo' me.
M: I am not a farking messenger service. Call Tony your damn self.
P: I don't know Tony numbah.
M: Well then how, in the most holy of hells, am I supposed to know it?
P: I give you Boo's numbah, he tell you how to call Tony.
M: Look, take the dicks out of your ears and put them back up your ass. I am not Tony, Tony doesn't live here, and I am not calling Tony for you.
P: Maaan, you bettah ca-
M: I hope you drop the soap and choke on cock.
*click*
The price for that 45 second conversation? 3 bucks. 3 dollars a minute is apparently what the company who got the contract for the prison pay phones charges. Holy shiat, I hope I never have a family member in prison that I actualy want to talk to. 3 bucks AND an automatic reoccuring 2 dollar monthly fee for the 'privilege' of being able to accept collect calls from the prison. I called the payphone company and told them those charges were bullshiat and to stop letting prisoners call me, and they agreed to reverse the charges.
The calls stopped for about a year and then I started getting them again, but this time, in addition to the 'deny' option, they actualy gave you an option to stop all future calls.
Of course now, I wonder if I will someday answer the door to "hey foo, remembah when you won't call Tony fo' me?"
MythDragon: Of course now, I wonder if I will someday answer the door to "hey foo, remembah when you won't call Tony fo' me?"
I wad jud lookin up you addrez.
GameSprocket: [i627.photobucket.com image 440x279]
my first thought, as well
/good corn flakes
"Remember, its much better to go into debt to pay for school than it is to have sex with someone you know well and find attractive."
MythDragon: I kept getting collect calls from a local prison, which I kept declining. After like the 20th one, I finaly accepted to see what was so Goddamn important. (Maybe it was an old buddy of mine or something)
Me: Why the hell do you keep calling me?
Prisoner: Is Tony der?
Me: No there is no Tony here.
P: Who dis din?
M: Not farking Tony. You got the wrong number.
P: Oh. Din I need you call Tony fo' me.
M: I am not a farking messenger service. Call Tony your damn self.
P: I don't know Tony numbah.
M: Well then how, in the most holy of hells, am I supposed to know it?
P: I give you Boo's numbah, he tell you how to call Tony.
M: Look, take the dicks out of your ears and put them back up your ass. I am not Tony, Tony doesn't live here, and I am not calling Tony for you.
P: Maaan, you bettah ca-
M: I hope you drop the soap and choke on cock.
*click*
The price for that 45 second conversation? 3 bucks. 3 dollars a minute is apparently what the company who got the contract for the prison pay phones charges. Holy shiat, I hope I never have a family member in prison that I actualy want to talk to. 3 bucks AND an automatic
reoccuring 2 dollar monthly fee for the 'privilege' of being able to accept collect calls from the prison. I called the payphone company and told them those charges were bullshiat and to stop letting prisoners call me, and they agreed to reverse the charges.
The calls stopped for about a year and then I started getting them again, but this time, in addition to the 'deny' option, they actualy gave you an option to stop all future calls.
Of course now, I wonder if I will someday answer the door to "hey foo, remembah when you won't call Tony fo' me?"
cool story bro
i once had an old lady call my work, just as we were shutting down for the day. she kept trying to order a meal from a restaurant, despite my repeated assertion that we were a rent-a-center store, not a restaurant. i finally gave up and said "ok maam, that'll be ready in about 15 minutes". had i not tried MANY times to convince her we weren't a restaurant, i would've felt bad. all i hope now is that the old lady didn't starve that evening.
also re: reoccuring. that's the 2nd time this morning i've seen this spelling on fark. in the other thread someone posted a link to oxford showing it as an acceptable spelling, but i'd never seen it before. is it british/canadian?
Jim never has a second cup of coffee at home...
Millennium: stevarooni: Crap, the Thanksgiving letters are hilarious! Letting a 17-year old vegetarian dictate the Thanksgiving menu? Considering inviting your sister's child-molesting boyfriend when you've got young children, oh and what about that child-molesting uncle?
It's the holiday that just keeps giving! :D
Sounds like the vegan daughter needs to play Pandora's Tower. Or at least learn to cope with the fact that other people eat meat.
At least she isn't to the point of demanding that the pots and pans and utensils used to prepare her vegan meal have never touched meat or meat by-products.
I fully respect the right of any individual to eat or avoid eating whatever they choose, and if I know a vegetarian, or anyone with dietary restrictions, is coming to my house I will make sure there's food available to them.
However, if some twerpy teenage niece announces she's not coming if there will be turkey at Thanksgiving, the only rational response is, "We'll miss you."
Farce-Side: 2wolves: We have a real christian here and all of your minds are in the gutter. Shame on you!
So going to pound town with some old dude is the Christian way to pay for college? They never taught me that in Sunday school.
Noah's daughters were all over that.
Deathfrogg: Do NOT ever, ever do this. A friend of mines sister corresponded with a guy in prison for several years as a prison pen-pal sort of thing through her church. Apparently he was quite the wordsmith, and toward the end of his sentence (bank robbery) really started laying it on thick. Saying all the right things in his letters, and they had started talking on the phone. When he got out, several weeks before she thought he was supposed to, he showed up at her house pretty much completely out of the blue about a week later and tried to talk her into letting him move in. When she balked at this he went farking nuts. Over about a week, she had her cat gutted out on her front porch and the windows of her car smashed out. When he showed up at her work and went apeshiat in the lobby of the office her boss arrested him. He got another 20 years for terrorist threats, assaulting a law enforcement officer and burglary, not to mention several parole violations.
Her boss was a County Sheriff in one of the more densely populated counties in California, with several re-elections in his career. He didn't fark around with the guy, he totally threw the book at him and made it stick.
Do not EVER correspond with a convict in prison in a way that would let them figure out where you live. Theres a reason why guys like that are kept locked up.
I so get this. My dad did a lot of prison ministry work. A lot of prisoners would say what he wanted to hear, but few actually proved to have been rehabilitated. He told me of one prisoner that had asked my dad to speak on his behalf at a parole hearing. Dad said he didn't feel right about it and said 'no', the inmate flipped out. At another Bible study class, I watched as an inmate, that had been attending since we had started, one day go into a dark place and described in detail how he wanted to break the neck of another inmate with full hand gestures. I distanced myself from him after that incident. Dad knew better than to give them our address, when they got out, he met them somewhere else.
bungle_jr: i once had an old lady call my work, just as we were shutting down for the day. she kept trying to order a meal from a restaurant, despite my repeated assertion that we were a rent-a-center store, not a restaurant. i finally gave up and said "ok maam, that'll be ready in about 15 minutes". had i not tried MANY times to convince her we weren't a restaurant, i would've felt bad. all i hope now is that the old lady didn't starve that evening.
also re: reoccuring. that's the 2nd time this morning i've seen this spelling on fark. in the other thread someone posted a link to oxford showing it as an acceptable spelling, but i'd never seen it before. is it british/canadian?
No, I'm just a crappy speller.
I used have a number that was apparently nearly the same as some Jamacian resturant. I'd get calls several time a week for orders and after months of telling people they had the wrong number, I started just taking their orders.
"Hey mon, you still got ox-tail"
'Yep. In fact its on sale right now.'
"Awesome mon, can I get three ordah?"
'Sure can. See you in 15 minutes.'
One day I get a call (imagine this in that chick from Pirates of the Carribean's voice)
"Who dis?"
'This is Ryan. What do you want?'
"Dis da resturant?"
'Yeah, what would you like'
"Why you answerin' da phone?"
'I work here'
"Since when?"
'Uh started today'
"Well I own da place, I don' remembah DeMarcus saying nah-ting about chu" (uh-oh)
'Well I don't know what to tell you, you'll have to take that up with DeMarcus'
"Where he right now?"
'Uh, out smoking?'
"Damn dat DeMarcus, I and I gonna have some serious talk wit him when I get back"
I bet there was a couple of very confused Jamacians that day.
Also when I was in FL, my number was one digit off the Emergency room's number, so I often got their calls.
I couldn't fark with them as much as I'd like, because people's lives, you know?
But I did get some weird ones.
Old lady" Hello yes? Is this the ER?
M: No.
L: I thought I called 555-2324
M: No you called 555-2323
L: Wow, that's weird. Your number is almost the same
M: Yep. I know.
L: How did you get that number?
M: Phone company gave it to me.
L: Why wold they give you a number that's almost the same?
M: Well lots of numbers are almost the same as other numbers. You really can't avoid it.
L: But to get the number that almost the same-
M: Lady...don't you have an emergency or something?
L: Oh right, I think my husband is having a heart attack I gotta go. *click*
And then when I was at the end of my marriage and I was having problems with the wife going out to the club all night and driving home druck as shiat, depsite my pleas for her not to do that, and that I would rather pick her up than have her killed (and more importantly, the car I am making payments on totaled) I get a call at 3 am. And calls at 3 am are never for something good.
Cop: This is officer Buttmonkey (probably not actual name). I have just pulled over a very drunk female.
*I look, wife has not come home*
Me: You know what? I am tired of this shiat. Farking arrest her. She's probably gonna just keep on doing it, and you know what? I don't care any more. Teach her farking ass a lesson. Take her to jail, give her a DUI and take her license because I am not dealing with this shiat anymore.
Cop: But don't you-
Me: I don't have to do a Goddamn thing. Just arrest her. Hell I think she needs the wake up call anyway. It's too early in the morning for this crap. She's probably on the way home from farking some other dude anyway, and she expects me to do something about this? Hell no.
The cop is quite for several moments.
Cop: Uh...is this the Fort Walton ER?
Me: Um...no it is not.
Cop: ....I see. Okay, um...sorry to bother you sir, and uh....good luck with your wife.
MythDragon: Of course now, I wonder if I will someday answer the door to "hey foo, remembah when you won't call Tony fo' me?"
He couldn't manage a phone call, I think you're probably pretty safe. ;)
MythDragon: Cop: ....I see. Okay, um...sorry to bother you sir, and uh....good luck with your wife.
Keyboard, one please.
FreeBirdInTheHand: Millennium: stevarooni: Crap, the Thanksgiving letters are hilarious! Letting a 17-year old vegetarian dictate the Thanksgiving menu? Considering inviting your sister's child-molesting boyfriend when you've got young children, oh and what about that child-molesting uncle?
It's the holiday that just keeps giving! :D
Sounds like the vegan daughter needs to play Pandora's Tower. Or at least learn to cope with the fact that other people eat meat.
At least she isn't to the point of demanding that the pots and pans and utensils used to prepare her vegan meal have never touched meat or meat by-products.
I don't know; I'd argue that this is worse. The cross-contamination thing at least has sensible roots: when you haven't eaten meat in a long time, residues from it can make you sick. I've known vegans with that problem, including some who stopped being vegan for various reasons. I saw enough of that process to be really glad that, as a lifelong meat-eater, I'll never have to re-acclimate to it.
This is different. There's a common literary trope in police stories, where rookies can't handle the emotion and environment of their first murder call, and have to learn to cope with them in order to be able to function. The niece here is dreaming up that same stuff at the mere sight of meat, and worse, she's running away from that rather than learning to cope. We can argue about whether her reaction is a proper emotional perspective, but whether or not it is, meat is a common enough sight in our society that learning to cope is much, much more critical thing to do. Yet she refuses.
I fully respect the right of any individual to eat or avoid eating whatever they choose, and if I know a vegetarian, or anyone with dietary restrictions, is coming to my house I will make sure there's food available to them.
However, if some twerpy teenage niece announces she's not coming if there will be turkey at Thanksgiving, the only rational response is, "We'll miss you."
I brought up Pandora's Tower mostly as a joke. The plotline is fairly standard save-the-girl stuff, but in this case, the girl must eat raw flesh from monsters you've killed. The catch is that, for religious reasons, she's a lifelong vegetarian, and finds the very idea of this abhorrent. The game doesn't pull its punches with respect to this: the first few times are gut-wrenching, and as she starts to get used to it, things get even creepier. Making the niece play this game would actually be really, really cruel.
Truth be told, I'm with you: the only reason I even care whether or not people are vegetarian is so that I can make reasonable accommodations. But reasonableness has its limits, and the niece's demands are going beyond them.
Mybungle_jr: MythDragon: I kept getting collect calls from a local prison, which I kept declining. After like the 20th one, I finaly accepted to see what was so Goddamn important. (Maybe it was an old buddy of mine or something)
Me: Why the hell do you keep calling me?
Prisoner: Is Tony der?
Me: No there is no Tony here.
P: Who dis din?
M: Not farking Tony. You got the wrong number.
P: Oh. Din I need you call Tony fo' me.
M: I am not a farking messenger service. Call Tony your damn self.
P: I don't know Tony numbah.
M: Well then how, in the most holy of hells, am I supposed to know it?
P: I give you Boo's numbah, he tell you how to call Tony.
M: Look, take the dicks out of your ears and put them back up your ass. I am not Tony, Tony doesn't live here, and I am not calling Tony for you.
P: Maaan, you bettah ca-
M: I hope you drop the soap and choke on cock.
*click*
The price for that 45 second conversation? 3 bucks. 3 dollars a minute is apparently what the company who got the contract for the prison pay phones charges. Holy shiat, I hope I never have a family member in prison that I actualy want to talk to. 3 bucks AND an automatic reoccuring 2 dollar monthly fee for the 'privilege' of being able to accept collect calls from the prison. I called the payphone company and told them those charges were bullshiat and to stop letting prisoners call me, and they agreed to reverse the charges.
The calls stopped for about a year and then I started getting them again, but this time, in addition to the 'deny' option, they actualy gave you an option to stop all future calls.
Of course now, I wonder if I will someday answer the door to "hey foo, remembah when you won't call Tony fo' me?"
cool story bro
i once had an old lady call my work, just as we were shutting down for the day. she kept trying to order a meal from a restaurant, despite my repeated assertion that we were a rent-a-center store, not a restaurant. i finally gave up and said "ok maam, that'll be ready in about 15 minutes" ...
When we moved 'way back in 1980, our phone number was one off from one of the Disney World hotels (ours was 3041234567 and theirs was 3051234567). It took them nearly a year to change. We'd get calls from all over the world at all hours of the day and night.
/never made fake reservations.
//thought about it
///but my stupid conscience wouldn't let me, though that British biatch with a mouth full of mashed potatoes and a majorly snotty attitude who called at 6 am really, really tempted me.
CSB:
My work cell phone and fax line for one jobsite was close to the same as a gynecological office. I was getting phone messages and faxes with WAY too much information for a stranger to be getting.
MythDragon: ... Cop: Uh...is this the Fort Walton ER?...
HO. LEE. Fark. That has to be the misdial of all misdials. JeeeBus. .... Sorry about your ex-wife.
My current number is two reversed digits off from a medical supply company (wheelchairs, oxygen, etc).
Literally half my calls are from semi-coherent old people. Once I got a lengthy voice-mail from the executor of somebody's estate, going on and on for 20 minutes about some disputed charges. It bugged me enough that I called the guy back. Doesn't compare to your story though.
trivial use of my dark powers: Mybungle_jr: MythDragon: I kept getting collect calls from a local prison, which I kept declining. After like the 20th one, I finaly accepted to see what was so Goddamn important. (Maybe it was an old buddy of mine or something)
Me: Why the hell do you keep calling me?
Prisoner: Is Tony der?
Me: No there is no Tony here.
P: Who dis din?
M: Not farking Tony. You got the wrong number.
P: Oh. Din I need you call Tony fo' me.
M: I am not a farking messenger service. Call Tony your damn self.
P: I don't know Tony numbah.
M: Well then how, in the most holy of hells, am I supposed to know it?
P: I give you Boo's numbah, he tell you how to call Tony.
M: Look, take the dicks out of your ears and put them back up your ass. I am not Tony, Tony doesn't live here, and I am not calling Tony for you.
P: Maaan, you bettah ca-
M: I hope you drop the soap and choke on cock.
*click*
The price for that 45 second conversation? 3 bucks. 3 dollars a minute is apparently what the company who got the contract for the prison pay phones charges. Holy shiat, I hope I never have a family member in prison that I actualy want to talk to. 3 bucks AND an automatic reoccuring 2 dollar monthly fee for the 'privilege' of being able to accept collect calls from the prison. I called the payphone company and told them those charges were bullshiat and to stop letting prisoners call me, and they agreed to reverse the charges.
The calls stopped for about a year and then I started getting them again, but this time, in addition to the 'deny' option, they actualy gave you an option to stop all future calls.
Of course now, I wonder if I will someday answer the door to "hey foo, remembah when you won't call Tony fo' me?"
cool story bro
i once had an old lady call my work, just as we were shutting down for the day. she kept trying to order a meal from a restaurant, despite my repeated assertion that we were a rent-a-center store, not a restaurant. i finally gave up and said "ok maam, that'll be ready in abou ...
my grandparents # is 1 # different from a soul-food restaurant 3 or 4 miles down the road from their house. they get a LOT of calls for food orders. i think they've even been known to take the order, after also trying to tell the caller of their mistake.
Keeping the letter-writing a secret for seven whole years should be a GIANT red flag for the wife. He talked to her about it when the idea came to him, she wasn't on board. If he still wanted to do it on his own, if everything was on the up and up, he'd have told her as soon as he was doing it that he was doing it. A "Hey, honey. I rented a post office box today to start that prison letter project we talked about the other night." and a little conversation about the letters as they started rolling in or as he starts developing an idea for the overall shape of the work he's forming from the info he's gathered so far would have been what normal people do. Never mentioning it again for years, and then pretty much only letting it come to light because people start arriving on the doorstep, is very very sketchy behavior. I tells me this guy is a really dishonest type. She should definitely start wondering what else he's got going on that he hasn't bothered to mention to her.
One of the most useful things I've learned in life, especially where marriage is concerned, is that if you feel like you have to hide it or have to sneak around to do it or don't feel you can talk about it, it's probably something you shouldn't be doing in the first place. If you can't be open with your spouse about it, you probably already know somewhere in the back of your mind that it's not cool. Even if you think it's something little or something justifiable or something that's gonna be okay or that should be fine, if you think you have to keep it a secret, you know it's not the right thing to do.
my current cell phone is, apparently, one digit off from the person you call to discuss why your welfare benefits have been denied. I get a call every day or two.
//NECSB
MythDragon: One day I get a call (imagine this in that chick from Pirates of the Carribean's voice)
It's a good thing no one notices when I laugh at work.
My previous supervisor had a number really close to a doctor's office. She actually knew the hours of the office and would give them those hours after telling them that they got the wrong number. She's a funny lady. :-)
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